Big Boy Linc

So Lincoln had his 4 month check-up last week. I was thankful to report to the doc that he had been healthy (minus one fever, that was unexplained, and didn't affect him much). Poor little Linc spent the first 2 months of his life catching every nasty bug that was around! He was assaulted by cold after cold....making for many sleepless nights worrying about his breathing, & coughing attacks. We tried our best to stay away from others, and keeping everyone healthy, but it would find him anyway! So praise be to God for this last 2 months of health!!!


Linc weighed in at 15 lbs 8 oz, and 27" long. Meaning he gained over 5 lbs and 3" in 2 months! For a bit I was beginning to wonder if my breast milk had enough "cream" to keep him full with as much as he'd been eating, but I guess we are fine in that department, and he was expanding and sprouting at a rapid pace! The Dr. said he'd be a fat little guy if he weren't so tall! Long and Lean :)

Lincoln is growing up so fast that I don't even know where the time has gone (literally)? He is a happy, sweet ball of baby. He grabs his feet and rocks back and forth. He rolls from his tummy to his back... and Bob has him sitting by himself! Mind you he tweaks out and looses his balance, but non the less, he sits. He loves his "disc" as we call it. Always attacking his blue flower likes Jaws! Lol He always greets us all with a big gummy smile....just begging you to kiss is round little cheeks! I told Bob last night when we were looking at him sleeping in bed, "I just love this little guy!" He makes everything better with his big smile...what an absolute JOY this little guy is!

 

 Blessings~Heather

Organic Woman

Source: myfemininemind.com via Heather Messner- on Pinterest

I love love love this shirt! Or statement might be a better fit. I find it interesting how "Green" our country/world is becoming yet pump their bodies full of "Not Green" junk to keep our "Green" bodies for doing the thing it was created to do.

It's food for thought... :)

Blessings~Heather

Goodbye 2011

Reflecting back on this years favorite posts...through the ups and downs.

January- 

FEAR

                                                      


February-

Beauty of the Skies

March-

Don't Be Fooled

 

  April-

A Daddy's Love

May-

Boys

O Baby!

June-

Reality Check

                                                                               


July-


  We were so busy in July that I didn't have any posts. So here's a picture of us during the 4th of July Celebrations! 

August-


Pray For Kaia

Flowers and Prayers

Goodbye For Now Sweet Kaia

September-


The Lord Is My Shepherd

October-

The Mysterious Ways of the Lord


I still haven't gotten around to my birth story, but here's a picture of our sweet baby Lincoln North.

November-


What Are You Thankful For?

 December-

The Eeriness of the River

 Merry Christmas from our house to yours!

Here's to a wonderful blessed 2012!!! 

God Bless,
The Messners


Photo credit: earl53 from morguefile.com

Photo-Source: google.hr via Ivana on Pinterest
Photo-Source: traceryinteriors.wordpress.com via Kristen on Pinterest

Thankfulness Day 6

Today I am thankful for:

That fact that my husband will go grocery shopping with me when I need him to. He took me grocery shopping the night before I had Lincoln, because I was having a ton of painful contractions, but needed to go to the store to stock up for the kids before I was stuck in the hospital. He made it not so embarrassing when I had a contraction and was bent over the cart because I couldn't move. :) Then he went with me today and packed Lincoln around in his car seat while I shopped. I tried yesterday to do it myself, and Lincoln cried and cried and I had made the mistake of going to the goodwill before hand to see if they had any jeans in my "new" large size in long, they didn't, they never do, and decided to try on a few tops. I left the dressing room almost in tears (just can't believe I let myself get this big) and headed to Freddy's. Once in there he started fussing, so I took him out of his car seat. Then he started wailing and then Bob called, then I started to get teary again, and was trying really hard not to out right cry like a baby myself in the middle of the store (I just love hormones!). So I headed to the suburban to nurse the baby, and when I got there, I just kept thinking...seriously Heather, this is your 6th kid. Why are you having such a hard time doing this? Then I started really crying. And by the time he finished nursing, my eyes were ridiculously red and puffy, and there was no way I was going back in that store! So I headed home, all the while having a pity party for my hormonal self.
So today, my loving husband took me to the grocery store! He helped me "think" while we shopped, since my thinker isn't working as of late. :) I did it without the water works, and Lincoln made it until check out before he got restless.

For this I am truly thankful...

What Are You Thankful For?

  As November begins, I feel it necessary to remember to be thankful. Thanksgiving is such a special holiday and we definitely take it for granted. I'm going to try and post everyday something I am thankful for.

Today I am thankful for:

  Our precious little Lincoln North! Oh the joys this little man has already brought us in his few days he's been with us. He truly is a joy, and delight to all of us. His contented spirit is like a soothing balm to our hearts. He will sit and gaze at you with his precious baby blues, studying your face. He seems like a wise old soul at the ripe age of 14 days. Maybe he will take after his namesake, the best president this country has known...for now I will rest in the fact that our Mr. Lincoln seems to be a kind, wise, contented person, or at least I pray that will be the man he becomes.

  It's a wonder how you can fall head over heels in love with someone you just met! The smell of his sweet little head...the little whimpers that escape him as he dreams in his sleep...the adorable back stretch he does when you take him from his car seat. These are just a few of mine and Bob's favorites! Addie would say she loves his long skinny fingers. Shelby would say she loves brushing his hair. Gabe would say he loves it when he opens his eyes and looks at him. Alexis would say she loves everything about him. Ty would say he loves to hold him. 

  For these things I am truly thankful~

Baby Update 3

  Hopefully today was my last doctors appointment for this pregnancy. I'm trying to be optimistic, but only God knows. The Dr. did confirm my fear that this baby is "sunny side up". I had that with our first and let just say, "it was no walk in the park to get her here!" I was telling Bob that I really didn't know how bad it was until I had a few more babies to compare it with. It didn't seem so horrible at the time (or right after), but now knowing how less painful labor is without all the back labor, I'm kinda freaked out! I shall be spending many a hours on all fours trying to get this baby to flip! I already mopped the kitchen floor and wiped down all the cabinets while I was down there...now it's just a matter of playing on the floor with the little ones...since all I have left is carpet to vacuum (which you can't do on hands and knees).  :)

  On an interesting note, I got to know my Dr. a bit better today. We talked about the kids being at the delivery (at least the older ones) and he is all for it. He has 10 children of his own (all adopted) and he told me a bunch of fascinating stories about how his boys came to "work" with him and looked in on many a labor and delivery. Another was about a 6 year old boy who was trying to get as close to the "action" as he could, so doc decided to put a gown on him and allowed him to sit on his lap through the whole delivery! That ones a bit out there for me, but I found it refreshing to see how he truly loves his job. He thinks birth is such a wonderful opportunity for families to welcome a little one into this world and was very much encouraging us to bring all the children with us. I asked him about how he felt about it being too graphic and scary for them, and his reply was, "Yes, they see it all happen, if you want them that close, and you could call it graphic, but they will forget about that, and remember that wonderful experience that not many get of welcoming their sibling into this world. That is a beautiful thing!" I seriously sat there in disbelief! I think if I hadn't been aware of my jaw, it would have been on the floor! lol  I couldn't wrap my brain around how "natural" this OB doctor was. He finds children to be a wonderful blessing, and he thinks it's best to use every opportunity to teach something to them.


  As I told Bob all of this he kind of smiled and said, "Sounds good!" :)  If we do decide to bring the kids with us, I'm pretty sure ours will be a PG rated delivery. No one from my waist down! lol Think about it this way: How many times does a little one walk into a L&D room after baby has arrived and wonder "why on earth is there a baby in my moms arms?" "where did that come from?" I think plenty. What if the little ones were there to witness at a distance the arrival of their sibling baby? Do you think maybe it wouldn't be such a strange sight to them? I think so. Now I'm sure that 95% of you reading this think we've fallen off our rockers, but I think it's definite food for thought. Alexis was 7yrs old when she witnessed Addison being born. She has begged to be there ever since. Bob and I asked her why she liked going and her response was, "I loved being the first one to see the baby!" It's a special time for a family. You just brought a new life into the world! You can't ever get those moments back...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. Never again will that same situation come about.

 




The boys overheard our conversation and came downstairs packed for the hospital. They even packed a stuffed animal for the baby. A boy and a girl one. They have their pj's and I noticed Gabe even packed a notebook so he could color while he waited! I found this adorable :)


Blessings~Heather

A Few Of My Favorite Things!

  I thought I'd share some of my favorite baby items with you. Like I've said before, I'm pretty simple when it comes to babies. There are a few things though that I absolutely love!

  *First off, all in one cloth diapers from bumGenius are a must. They are user friendly and save you a ton of money in the long run. I will however be using Pampers Newborns until this little one stops needing to be change 18 times a day...that would be way too much work with cloth.

 *Babylegs are such a great product. They keep your little ones warm without having to undress them to change a diaper. The bonus is they are super cute!

  *As for blankets, I am stuck with the soft chenille ones from Target. My friend Jamie gave Gabriel one for a baby gift 6yrs ago, and I won't ever look elsewhere! Addie had one in the girlie color and Shelby just used hers. They are soooo soft and stretch, yet don't slip off like some super soft blankets. I do have to say that I'm not super fond of the boy blanket color they have this season, but the girls is adorable. If this tells you anything...even though I'm not a big fan of the coloring for the boys, I'd still buy it if this is a little man! :)

  *When it comes to shoes you can't buy anything for a wee one but the Robeez. They keep their socks on and they stay on as well. So many different patterns to pick from that it's hard to have just one pair! They're so dang cute :)

  *The Mary Jane's from Trumpette are a bit impractical because they are socks, and they do fall off when they are really little, but they are adorable!!! I received these as a baby gift with Shelby, and they were a big hit everywhere we went.

  *As for a diaper bag, Petunia Pickle Bottom is the way to go if you don't mind spending a small fortune. I fortunately didn't have to with Shelby since a sweet friend gifted it to me! I loved that diaper bag! It's in shambles now, but it was great. It has a fold out changing pad built into the front that zips up and in, plus is removable for washing. Not to mention the fabrics from Petunia Pickle Bottom are gorgeous! I love the brocade patterns, especially the one above with the gold and aqua colors. It can be carried on your shoulder, across the chest like a satchel, or worn as a backpack. Bob especially liked that fact...backpack is more man friendly that a shoulder worn diaper bag. :)

  *If this is a girl, we will be doing earrings again. I absolutely love a baby girl with earrings! It gives them that extra touch femininity. At least we find it adorable. :)

  *The Chicco's car seat is a great one. I love the form that is for the infant size. It doesn't trap heat around the top of their head like most of the head cushions. So no more sweaty baby.

  *Since we are coming into fall/winter a cute little hat is a must! I just thought these were cute :)

  *Also, the flower hair clips are a great addition to any little girl or the headbands for the bald little lady~

  *The Bébé au Lait Nursing Cover, is dangerous! Once you go there, you can't go back! Where these have been my whole nursing life, I don't know? I do know that if I didn't have one, my job of chasing kids would become much harder. As a mom to 5, well I guess it will be 6 shortly, you have to be mobile while you nurse. It's just a reality, at least for me it is. 


  *Aveeno baby wash is to die for delicious smelling! I always have loved the Johnson & Johnson baby wash, but I have to say that the Aveeno beats it in the smelling test. Nothing like the clean scent of a newborns head...

  *Lansinoh's lanolin is purely the best at what it is for, cracked, sore nipples from breastfeeding. It is totally natural and has super healing strength. I know most lactation nurses would say to just use your own breast milk in the same manner, but for me that didn't work. At least not as quickly and efficiently as using the lanolin. Along the lines of breastfeeding, you'll need nursing pads. I prefer the Lansinoh brand over others I have tried. This is definitely one of those products that I'm sure works for some and not for others. For me they work great! 

  Anyways, I hope you enjoyed looking through my favorites list. What are your "Can't live without!" items? I love hearing what others have found! 

Blessings~Heather

 
 

The Mysterious Ways of the Lord

  Yesterday afternoon, we had our family tour of the "Family Birth Center" at the hospital I'll be delivering at scheduled for 4pm. Bob called earlier in the day to tell me that there would be no way he'd be off in time to come. There was too much to get done. (I'm not complaining about the work, very thankful there is so much work right now, just figures that we scheduled it late to make sure he could come and he still couldn't). He was quite discouraged since he really enjoys doing these things with us, hence the "family" tour. :) I was almost in tears because I figured, "What is the point in going if he can't be there? It'll just be another thing I do by myself." I was going to have a pity party. 

Then it struck me that I have two choices:

1) Cry about it like a hormonal mess and ruin the opportunity with a bitter attitude.

or

2) Don't let it steal my joy and pray that God would see to it that Bob made it there. 

  Thankfully I chose the second option. 3:30pm rolled around and still no call from Bob saying he was on his way. So I packed up the kids and we headed to the hospital. Arrived to find our lovely "tour guide" a very sweet labor and delivery nurse in her office. All 6 of us squeezed into her little space and she began. First she tried locating my pre-registration forms that I had filled out 2 weeks prior. She couldn't find me in the system! She asked if I was sure I registered. Yes, I even went into the gross ER to get the forms! Probably not the best place to be hanging out in when you are pregnant, with everyone coughing and sick. So yes...I did register.

   As we waited to hear back from the ER and the Admitting departments, we chatted about having both lived on the West side of the state and how we very much enjoyed the climate here compared to our previous addresses. Then we received the call that, No they couldn't find me anywhere. Off we went to the admitting department to fill them out again. They kept apologizing and I just kept thinking, "If I were in labor, I'd probably not be so happy, but I'm not so it's really no big deal!" The kids just followed along enjoying the sites of the hospital. We met with the admitting manager and she was super embarrassed about not being able to "find" me. Really people, not a big deal! lol She handed me forms to fill out and so I did. By the end of this process, having filled out all the forms again, and meeting with a woman to enter my info in the system, they got a call from ER saying they found me! lol, in the wrong file...not having ever been entered into the computer system (obviously). They again apologized and said the man would be spoken with...I felt bad, 'cause really not a big deal. I even got to speak with the lady who was entering my info into the system about our "big family" (I don't see it as really that big, but I guess to most people we are). As they all sat with me while we waited for her to finish she kept saying, "You are so lucky! I always wanted a big family, and my husband said, no! Two is enough." I felt for her. You could see the sorrow in her eyes as she said those words. (Again, I am reminded of how so undeserving of the wonderful husband God had for me! A man who is willing to pray and seek the Lord for guidance instead of what those around us, and what society deems as right or wrong to do.) She continued to tell me how kids are her life, and what a blessing they are. Couldn't agree more! It's refreshing for our children to hear that they are a blessing once in a while, instead of the people who are in disbelief that we would ever dare have as many children as we do, and state it in front of them. You start to wonder if maybe it gets to their little hearts, and they start seeing themselves as the majority of the world sees them as, a burden? I could see their little eyes light up as she spoke...it was precious! 

  Once we finally finished up with the admitting, we headed back to nurse lady's office. Once in there, we went over all the info that I just went over with the admitting department. By this time it was about 5pm (an hour after we originally got there). We finished up and she said, "Are you ready for your tour!?" I said, "Sure, but do you mind if I call and see where the hubby is?" I called and he said he was there!!! lol Coincidence? I think not! :) What are the odds that they happen to lose my paperwork (which everyone kept saying "this never happens") and just when we finish, there comes my hubby strolling down the hallway? God is good! It made sense now that during this whole process I wasn't annoyed at all. I had total peace over all the events of having to deal with redoing everything and pretty much wasting an hour with 5 kids in tow. Thank you, Jesus! Thank you to everyone who prayed for this. I know it probably seems small and unimportant, but it was important for us. 

   We continued down the hall to see the labor and delivery rooms with much surprise to find very lovely rooms. Most rooms have a huge shower stall with 6 jets on the wall to help relieve back labor pain! No climbing in and out of tubs, you just walk right in! Although they do have rooms with the jacuzzi tubs if your heart desires that instead. A menu full of delicious sounding meals, delivered to my room whenever I call...even a menu for spouses and family, so we don't have to send them out for their food! A couch that pulls out into a bed. They even have a special plush mattress that is laid over the top of your bed once you have given birth...no more sore body from sleeping in awful hospital beds! It's the little things in life! :) Bob and I about died laughing when Ty asked the nurse where the birthing ball was! The kids were checking out all the cabinets and he found it concerning that there wasn't a birthing ball. lol I think I have told my birthing stories too many times in his presence. :) You think?! She quickly reassured him that they had birthing balls, in small and large sizes, all we had to do is ask if we were in need of one. ;)

Tried to get a quick photo with the kids...definitely not great. I felt kinda dumb asking if I could get a picture, so I quickly snapped this one.

  All in all, I am very pleased with our decision to deliver here. My prayer is that things would go well and smoothly, and that it would be a wonderful experience. I can't forget...the nurses there have to be the kindest nurses I have ever met in labor and delivery. All of them being very helpful and informative. They answered all our questions and we left with a feeling of peace about it all. Nothing beats that...especially with all the unexpected changes and shifting that have happened during the last month of this pregnancy.

Blessings~Heather

Baby Update 2

  Yesterday was a crazy day! I had my appointment scheduled for 1:30pm and needed to call in at 12:30 to make sure the Doc would be in. Well, I called and sure enough he was in surgery! They asked for a number to reach me at when they were ready for me to come in. 3pm rolls in and I get the call (thankfully I was able to go) and get to the office...and wait...and wait...and wait. I was a bit annoyed. Got into the room around 4...and waited...and waited...and finally around 4:30 Doc rolls in. Let's just say, I wasn't expecting a giant man! :) I think he's about 6'4" and big (not in a heavy way, just big). Reminds me of a small town doctor, with salt and pepper hair, that knows everyone's name and takes his time getting to know ya. Different, but in a good way. :) I shouldn't be too put out by waiting, since when it's my turn to deliver, he will make others wait for me.

  So long story short, I'm now 2-3 cm dilated, baby's head is at 0 station (the good news I was praying for with all the contractions I've been having throughout the last week...it was for something!), and now it's just a waiting game. This is the tricky part for me. Patience is not my forte! Although, I got to thinking about why oh why we want the baby to come now? Once miss or mr gets here...no sleep...engorgement...sore other things...hormonal dives...and again no sleep. So, I have surrender to the waiting game happily...well for right now I'm fine with waiting. :) Although I really want to meet this little person! 

  Did I mention that I had a dream Monday night? I dreamt that I was in labor, a very quick and easy labor and delivered a 12lb 2oz little girl named Ireland Grace. And it was the least painful delivery I ever had and the baby was huge! hahaha   Don't you love the subconscious?


Blessings~Heather

 

Baby Update

  Just got back from my appointment with my midwife...I'm 1cm dilated, 80% effaced, and baby's head is -2 station. Not the best news (usually I'm at least 3cm by now), but I'm just glad there is progress! Thank you, Lord! Next week I hopefully get to meet my Dr. He's kinda like Dr. Cliff Huxtable from the Cosby show! lol You go into labor, and he comes to the hospital. I've only ever had it where you get whoever is "on call" with Kaiser and just been blessed to get midwives for almost all of them. So this is new!

  My midwife was the last of 5 that lost their license at the only hospital that allowed midwives to deliver. I don't understand it, but this is the reality here. So I hopefully got the next best thing with my new Dr. who comes highly recommended by my midwife. The only other option would be to deliver at home with Rebekah, but I'm not that brave. :) Next week we scheduled a "tour" of the Family Birth Center for the children. Bob and I thought it might be fun for them (and us) to get an inside look at where we'll be headed in the next couple of weeks. The oldest 3 are pros when it comes to this...the little girls aren't. Especially Shelby. So this might be a good opportunity to take the wonder and fear out of it for them.  Alexis is wanting to join us for the delivery again (this would be her 3rd time welcoming a brother or sister into this world)...Ty is asking as well. Not so sure about that. He thinks it would be neat, but do I really want our 8yr old son there? Again, not so sure about that one, even though they don't witness any of the graphic stuff...it just seems strange. We'll be praying about that one. :)

  That's all I have for now~Heather

Revolutionary!

  Alright, now you might think I've lost my marbles, but I think there is some serious logic behind this post: "Why You Should Stop Doing Kegels..."

  I have always done this (squatting) with all my pregnancies and had nothing but great results with delivery! I'm kind of "old school" with the way they "used to do things." I figured it would help get things "ready" down there. Labor is long and hard sometimes, and why not get yourself flexible before hand in a position that might help with the difficulty of labor and stretch those leg and butt muscles that will be doing so much work. Women have been giving birth for thousands of years (most likely squatting in the fields)...why is it so difficult now? Because we focus too much on modern medicine and books of what works "now." When the real question should be, "why change something that wasn't broken?" Oh oh, I know! Because we think we are smarter than folks from the stone age. But are we really? God gave us instincts for a reason. He gave us women with great intuition. He also created the body that is built for birthing! (Obviously things happen and medical intervention is needed...that's a whole different conversation). But for a regular no complications labor/delivery...I'm just excited that I've been doing something right! Yippee :)

  25 days and counting! Can't wait, yet I'm not prepared at all. I had the nurse at my appointment today shocked that we haven't even bought diapers yet! :)  I figure all you need for a newborn is food (which as long as things go as planned is "on tap"), pajamas, a blanket, a car seat, nursing pads, and diapers (which you can purchase at the grocery store on your way home!) Yes, we might be crazy, but seriously that's all you need! When it's your sixth child you realize all those other trinkets and gadgets that everyone tells you that you have to have, are just a joke. You make it as difficult or as easy as you choose. We choose simplicity...

Goodbye For Now, Sweet Kaia...

A letter from Kaia's daddy, Ryan...

Dear Dear Friends,

Tonight Kaia went to be with Jesus around 5:10 PM. Her last moments on this earth were in my arms, and from my arms, she went directly into the arms of her loving Heavenly Father. She died peacefully, after suffering the last several days and nights with intense seizures, in addition to her an inability to swallow or breathe on her own. Neither Leanne nor I have felt such deep sadness and sorrow in our lives. Though we felt this day was likely coming, we could have never fully been prepared for the ache and the lostness that we feel. I write all this as I sit in the rocking chair where we expected that Leanne would get up late at night to nurse Kaia. We are together sleeping on the floor in Kaia’s room tonight. We have had such wonderful, painful, open, real conversations throughout Kaia’s entire life, and today and tonight have been filled with many more. Please pray for our wounded, fragile hearts.

As Kaia’s life drew to a close, Leanne and I had the chance to spend some special time alone with her. I held her, then Leanne held her, then I held her again so tight. I can’t get the image out of my mind of her in my left arm, outstretched so I could see her clearly. She is so beautiful. She is my absolute delight. This image in my mind isn’t a haunting image, but a mesmerizing image. From the first day when she was born, and shortly thereafter entered the NICU, she had my whole heart. I remember realizing that no one in the whole world could ever possibly love her as much as Leanne and I love her, because we are her mommy and daddy. What made her “our little girl” wasn’t simply that she came as a result of our union, but what made her “our little girl” was our deep, intense love for her.

This evening, as I held my dying little girl in my arms, and as we paced her hospital room, I asked Leanne to turn on the ipod. A dear friend of ours had called a week or so ago and left Kaia a voicemail. It was a voicemail of her singing a beautiful song to Kaia, and we played it for Kaia with tears streaming down our faces. It was a song Leanne and I both already love, too. It was the song Wildflowers by Tom Petty. I asked Leanne to turn on Wildflowers, and as Kaia’s heartbeat became fainter and fainter, I danced with Kaia to Wildflowers. It was an unbelievably special moment for me as her daddy. From even before she was conceived, I have dreamed of having a little girl. I’ve dreamed of her growing up and knowing her daddy’s love. I’ve dreamed of taking her on little daddy dates, and I’ve dreamed of taking her to dances. I’ve dreamed of her getting all dressed up in a new dress I bought her, and I’ve dreamed of telling her over and over again how beautiful she is. I’ve dreamed of helping her to understand the love of God by doing all I could to resemble that love to her. And so Kaia and I danced to the song. We played it three times. Somewhere during our dance together, Kaia’s heart stopped beating and she went from my arms into God’s arms.

Last night Leanne and I stayed the night with Kaia in the NICU. Our wonderful nurse brought in a cot for us, and we laid Kaia down on the bed beside us. And Leanne and I each took turns laying for hours next to little Kaia. As she seized, we kissed her forehead. We fell asleep for brief moments as we laid there throughout the night, but never for long, as her struggles kept us rushing to kiss her and comfort her. We enjoyed snuggling so close to our little girl. We memorized the feel of kissing her forehead and her hands, and we memorized her scent. Since we’ve been home tonight, we have caught her scent on one another, on blankets, on her stuffed animals. And we know it is unmistakably the scent of our little Kaia. She is truly our delight.

Our hearts ache and ache and ache. I know the days ahead are going to be brutally difficult. We have spent the last 20 days creating a lifestyle the consisted of very little, other than holding Kaia, caring for Kaia, and enjoying Kaia. I don’t know what tomorrow will be like, when we don’t drive to Legacy Emanuel, when we don’t see, hold, and kiss Kaia. I don’t know. We have cried big tears every day since she was born. We will certainly cry more tomorrow. And the next day, and the day after that. We love our little girl so very, very much.

Tonight Leanne wrote a message to some family members, and I asked to include part of it in what I wrote, as well. She said “A few days ago Kaia was seizing over and over again, and they had to re-intubate her and re-do her feeding tube, and she looked like she was in so much discomfort and had tears in her eyes... it was really, really hard on me to see her in pain and struggling. I felt so desperate for her to know comfort, and that we weren’t trying to hurt her but only wanted the best for her.  It grieved me so deeply that she couldn’t understand that.  And as I prayed through this, God showed me that he feels the same way.  It grieves Him so deeply to see our pain and know that we don’t understand what is really happening. He is doing something so much bigger, richer, deeper than we can comprehend.  Our greatest, most extravagant dreams for Kaia here on earth pale in comparison to God's plans for her.  Please trust Him with us. Please remind us to trust Him when we don’t.  I know He is good, to the core of my being I know it. And I believe that Kaia is in glory with Him now, and for the rest of eternity will get to see the unraveling of all that He did, is doing, and will do through her.  She is such a gift.”

Thank you, thank you, thank you to each of you who has read these updates, prayed for our little girl, and loved us. We are so thankful. You no longer need to pray for Kaia, except to tell God thank you for her 20 days of life. She is in the best hands possible now, and God will be a greater parent to her than we have the capacity to be. It’s less difficult to comprehend trusting Him with our little girl, and more difficult to comprehend that for 20 days, He trusted us with His little girl. Please do pray for Leanne and for me, and for our families. This is so hard. And pray for all who have been impacted by Kaia’s life. Pray that God would do things in the lives of people that would make Kaia’s short life worth it! Isn’t our little Kaia just beautiful?

Ryan and Leanne Donovan

Flowers and Prayers

  I have had an odd week this week. One of those that you have so much that you need to do, yet you feel like you just can't get any one done fully or right. I thought I'd share my week in pictures!

3D pic of our precious baby at 30 weeks!

Day 2 of 31 Day  Challenge...needed to be cleaned and organized

Dirty!

Took a bit, but it's sparkling now!

My beautiful Cockscomb is growing!

Our first Sunflower breaking through

Stage 2

Stage 3

Ta Da! A baby Sunflower

More Cockscomb

Cucumbers sprouting

I decided to give "Square Foot" Gardening a whirl.

All the lovely seeds that we planted straight in the ground...hopefully it works!

Katie and her beautiful niece Kaia

Ryan & Leanne with their precious daughter

Such a doll!

  I found that with so much prayer going on in my head over baby Kaia, that the most peaceful place is in our backyard, with my flowers. I head out once the sun is setting behind our house, and spend the warm summer evening in the shade, dead heading the flowers, planting new seeds, and spending time with the Lord. It's refreshing, peaceful, and therapeutic. The kids have even taken to getting in on it! Alexis usually is humming some song, the littlest kids are tending to their "cherry tree" they planted (Gabe finished a cherry and planted its seed in the garden to grow a BIG cherry tree..in his words). And Ty finds something to water with the hose and all of its many nozzle settings. :) It's surprisingly quiet in our yard, even though we are in a subdivision. It truly is a peaceful place...we you get on ground level...with the emerald green grass...smell of fresh flowers...and the sound of your children playing happily by your side.

  Two weeks ago, I gave myself some of my own advice as I was correcting our children over not using the time they had wisely, with the friends they were playing with. They were so focused on getting to swim at their friends house, that when it was time to go after 4hrs, and they hadn't had the opportunity to swim, they cried and said, "We didn't get to swim and we didn't do anything because we were waiting to swim!" So they wasted 4 precious hours not fully enjoying their friends and the time they had with them, all because they were looking forward to something that wasn't ever going to happen. As I was explaining this to the kids, and the words were coming out of my mouth, I realized that this is how we as a family have been living. Always looking to the next thing. We never fully engage or enjoy what stage in life we are at because we are always looking for something different. After we got home from our little vacation back home, I realized that I have to start purposefully living my life. No more wandering, waiting, or being discontent with the things I have or don't have. Why not fully enjoy what it is that is here, in the now? Once we got home, we received the news on Kaia as well. Right there, it makes you realize that we don't have the time to waste just half living. This is a perfect spot to say, "We've got to start making that lemonade out of lemons!" But, the thing is we don't have lemons! We have a bountiful fruit basket waiting to be used to its full potential. So what are we whining about?

  Love God, your family, your friends, and those who are your enemies. Don't waste your time being angry, discontent, resentful, or being just plain stagnant. This is the only life on earth we have...make it count...

  And please, please, pray for sweet Kaia! Things are looking so much worse for this precious one. They think she might only have a week or so to live. Pray God's healing over her, and for Ryan and Leanne...they all need so much strength right now...

Blessings~Heather